This week I have been confronted with some of the demons from the past.
My 25 year old daughter ‘reminded’ me – ‘reminded’ because I had blocked it, or not been in a place to hear it correctly at that time, about being interfered with by one of her siblings when she was a child. She rightly believes that this has played a major role in her life to date. She said that I told her, at the time, that children explore their bodies in such ways when they are growing up – which I do believe, but that doesn’t stop us making it a shameful experience.
It left me feeling that I had not done enough to protect her, being a working mother of five – four boys and one daughter. I have felt that for a long time. She chose to distance herself from me at a very young age; and, while usually we have a civil relationship, it is obviously one of facade. She is prone to rage and sadness at the slightest glitch in support of her.
So, the questions remain: Am I a bad mother? How do I go about healing – the relationship and my daughters’ self-esteem? Is it my job now that she is grown?
The answers are: All mothers have their own injuries that make them behave and parent in a less than ‘good parent’ way. We are too focused on our own needs rather than putting our energies into the people who depend on them for their nurturing.
I can go about repairing our relationship, and consequently show her the way to healing, by my example; and then by the results she can see and feel.
Because I believe that this earth existence is just the start of our soul’s journey, we have an eternity to continue to grow and heal with a firm desire to live in love. Face what needs to be faced and allow what comes to indicate to us what we need to repair or embrace. Our lives will give us that gift if we allow and accept.
If I had not denied my own damage then there would not have been that imprint left on her, and she would not now be confused and frightened by where her life is taking her; she would not be going about damaging herself and others in her approaches to relationship; and would be more gentle and loving, strong, secure and encouraged by her existence. So, yes, it is my job to ensure that I can do all that I can to assist, not only her, but myself, to go through the process of forgiving and repenting all things that have been buzzing around me for the entirety of my existence.
Not only do I owe it to her, I also owe it to my son who’s behaviour as a young age would have left him ashamed and confused. I believe that it has left him arrogant in an attempt to hide the less powerful emotions in the belief that this is what he needs to do to have the life he thinks he wants – that society tells him he deserves.
Of course we deserve a wonderful life but we need to do the work to make it so. And we are told by society that having whatever we want, and doing whatever it takes to get it is the only way to go – no matter the effects on other people around us – even our children.
You can see how this sort of selfish, arrogant behaviour will continually perpetuate this same damage into generations to come – causing crushing effects on body, mind and soul.
The time is now to do the work and strive towards an existence that is hugely beneficial to, not only our loved ones, but to the world as a whole.
Go with God. I have for some time now and have benefited greatly.
Forgive from your heart
Let It heal your life
Nothing can hold you
Like a fair bit of strife
The hardest to get through
Are the things that We do
Known only by us
Yet they can still puss
They fester and grow
And live on all the while
With each new day.
It gets harder to smile
Your greatness is here now
Lets show them all how
When love is involved
Much can be solved
The love that you are
Lays buried deep inside
Just waiting for the hate to subside
Loved ones cannot help you
Only you can mend
All the hurt and despair that you still defend
Your spirit is calling
For you to be free
Forgiveness is golden
And I’m sure you’ll agree
There is nothing nicer
That you’d like to be
So forgive and move on now
And then you will see
All the good things that life brings
Known to more than just me