Journal 3/2/2016

God, today I am feeling trapped. I have issues and judgments around that feeling. I will put on a facade of being okay with what is happening around me though, in all honesty, I know that my assistance is not appreciated – might not be the right word – but at the very least resented on some level. My thoughts go to those way less fortunate and I think of my selfishness in being ‘trapped’ in a luxury home, paid for by my husband, spending quality time with my beautiful grandchild, getting to build a relationship with his mother. Yet I know that some of these things are harming others. Harming them from progressing in their own development and condition of love. If I am being used as a scapegoat, even sometimes, for their emotions, and I know it, I am either being unloving to myself or them to continue to allow it. I should explain that my grandson, Sonny, has quite a few physical issues – not severe, definitely workable; and I am fully aware that due to emotional damage that I and his father have caused to our son Luke; combined with emotional trauma that Sonny’s mother feels and talks about, have most certainly precipitated Sonny’s condition. We are all learning to grow and heal; and my frustration comes from the knowledge that I am allowing into my experience and how I am unable to share it adequately or appropriately with others. I will set my intention to continue along; and, I would like to say, ‘gift’ them with my assistance, although it does not always feel like a gift and often feels like an expectation coming at me. I know that my emotions are becoming less scattered and I hope that this is not due to suppression. I feel that it is not. My best connection is in the waking hours when I am laying in my bed – I can clearly feel my chakras, the main ones, working with my body to assist me in my own healing and growth. I have a pain in my left shoulder, near my neck, at this very moment – mother issues. That is quite possibly true as I feel the pull from her soul to assist her and my father more, more, more. They are not appreciating the gift that I have to offer and insist that I give them a gift of their choosing. They could argue that if they don’t want the gift I am giving, why can’t I give them the gift they want? Thank you for your time today and I feel that I will be able to continue with your assistance, Possum, you know I love you, as I love God. The inflowing into my heart chakra, my heart, a couple of nights ago was transformational for me and I will hold onto and look forward to other such experiences as I continue to grow in love . Humility for me has been an issue that I have not addressed I believe, of course not believing that I have a problem with humility was probably why. I ask for your assistance, God, to be humble to all things that I experience and trust in your love to guide me always. As I can see by Jesus’ efforts here on earth, it is not easy dealing with these physical forms, but I have absolute faith that all of us are capable of achieving our desires in a loving way. I will leave now and speak with you again tomorrow. With much love and appreciation. Your sister and daughter, Gail.