Hi darling. I have been inspired to put pen to paper once again (or it’s electronic equivalent ) in an effort to make more obvious things that I believe and that I feel can also be of benefit to you.
The reason that I think it is hard, frustrating, or whatever arises, when we get together with our families is because we live in patterns from our childhoods that we know are not loving so we never give up trying to get the love right.
Unfortunately we don’t really have a plan about how we’re going to do that so we revert back to the same behaviours with the same results. They get worse over time because the universe is also involved in the process and more and more intense situations will often yield a movement of some kind. Not the best way to go about it but it is the usual way.
Having expectations of someone else and even ourselves is also adding to the unlovingness of the situation but we all do that as well.
Just so you know, I firmly believe it’s best dealt with by going with the emotion and express it until it’s conclusion and ultimately release it. You will travel often from rage or anger to grief and/or fear. Direct it outwards but not at anyone… even if the cause of your angst is sitting right in front of you. (Of course you can mention the issue…. “you know mum, you have never loved me “, etc. )
I have these things as well with my parents and siblings. Issue after issue keeps rearing it’s ugly head and I push it aside believing in my “soul” – otherwise I’d do it differently – that discussing it is only bringing up things that are better left buried. The universe (to me that’s God) doesn’t think so, that’s why the same issues remain in my experience.
Our dreams and sometimes sleepstate experiences can help us realise the issues that we are trying to bury. The problem is we can’t ever really bury them. Only kick a bit of dirt on them which tends to make them more agrivated the next time they come up. Sure, we get better at our facade to hide them but that’s just the face of it… not the guts. They will spew out or make this physical vessel not so well.
You can try to keep a dream journal. (I keep telling myself to do that as well.)
Do you see how our patterns can hold us back from our progression?
I see you working on your progression and I think you are very brave. The problem ones are the early early childhood experiences and inherited emotions that you don’t have a developed memory of because of your age when they occurred and the fact that some may not be yours. You’ve just built on them and you can’t even understand why or where they’ve come from. That’s why you can’t do this intellectually, it has to be emotionally.
Listen to the messages from people around you… There are clues everywhere. If you think it’s a loving message… and I’m not talking about an addictive false-praising, manipulative or co-dependant message… then think more on it. I also pray to God for guidance and ask my spirit friends and guides for assistance… but that’s me.
A loving message might be “you need to look after yourself “. A manipulative/co-dependent message might be “don’t listen to them, you deserve a drink. ”
The first one seems like judgement, and the second one seems caring. However, the first is simply a fact and the second doesn’t really help at all even though it would appear to be supportive.
Anyway I’ll finish off there and know that I appreciate your frankness and care that you show. I see your humility shining through and feel that humility will be the thing that keeps you open to learning more and progressing in the most positive way.
It pains me to know that our lives can impact yours greatly but I can only reiterate my sentiments again that no good can be achieved from upsetting yourself with things outside of your “control” (if I can use that word!) – outside of yourself. That doesn’t mean to push down the emotions when they come up but ask why they have come up at this time, in this situation. Relate it back or at least just feel through it. Magic will happen.
Life is ebbing and flowing as it always will and pushing against it is useless my dear. This is where being in situations in families can help to show where the blockages are to your flow.
All my love that I am capable of today I send to you. Xxx