forgive

Healing family

This week I have been confronted with some of the demons from the past.

My 25 year old daughter ‘reminded’ me – ‘reminded’ because I had blocked it, or not been in a place to hear it correctly at that time, about being interfered with by one of her siblings when she was a child. She rightly believes that this has played a major role in her life to date. She said that I told her, at the time, that children explore their bodies in such ways when they are growing up – which I do believe, but that doesn’t stop us making it a shameful experience.

It left me feeling that I had not done enough to protect her, being a working mother of five – four boys and one daughter. I have felt that for a long time. She chose to distance herself from me at a very young age; and, while usually we have a civil relationship, it is obviously one of facade. She is prone to rage and sadness at the slightest glitch in support of her.

So, the questions remain: Am I a bad mother? How do I go about healing – the relationship and my daughters’ self-esteem? Is it my job now that she is grown?

The answers are: All mothers have their own injuries that make them behave and parent in a less than ‘good parent’ way. We are too focused on our own needs rather than putting our energies into the people who depend on them for their nurturing.

I can go about repairing our relationship, and consequently show her the way to healing, by my example; and then by the results she can see and feel.

Because I believe that this earth existence is just the start of our soul’s journey, we have an eternity to continue to grow and heal with a firm desire to live in love. Face what needs to be faced and allow what comes to indicate to us what we need to repair or embrace. Our lives will give us that gift if we allow and accept.

If I had not denied my own damage then there would not have been that imprint left on her, and she would not now be confused and frightened by where her life is taking her; she would not be going about damaging herself and others in her approaches to relationship; and would be more gentle and loving, strong, secure and encouraged by her existence. So, yes, it is my job to ensure that I can do all that I can to assist, not only her, but myself, to go through the process of forgiving and repenting all things that have been buzzing around me for the entirety of my existence.

Not only do I owe it to her, I also owe it to my son who’s behaviour as a young age would have left him ashamed and confused. I believe that it has left him arrogant in an attempt to hide the less powerful emotions in the belief that this is what he needs to do to have the life he thinks he wants – that society tells him he deserves.

Of course we deserve a wonderful life but we need to do the work to make it so. And we are told by society that having whatever we want, and doing whatever it takes to get it is the only way to go – no matter the effects on other people around us – even our children.

You can see how this sort of selfish, arrogant behaviour will continually perpetuate this same damage into generations to come – causing crushing effects on body, mind and soul.

The time is now to do the work and strive towards an existence that is hugely beneficial to, not only our loved ones, but to the world as a whole.

Go with God. I have for some time now and have benefited greatly.

FORGIVE

Forgive from your heart
Let It heal your life
Nothing can hold you
Like a fair bit of strife

The hardest to get through
Are the things that We do
Known only by us
Yet they can still puss

They fester and grow
And live on all the while
With each new day.
It gets harder to smile

Your greatness is here now
Lets show them all how
When love is involved
Much can be solved

The love that you are
Lays buried deep inside
Just waiting for the hate to subside

Loved ones cannot help you
Only you can mend
All the hurt and despair that you still defend

Your spirit is calling
For you to be free
Forgiveness is golden
And I’m sure you’ll agree
There is nothing nicer
That you’d like to be

So forgive and move on now
And then you will see
All the good things that life brings
Known to more than just me


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No Dams!

Hi darling.  I have been inspired to put pen to paper once again (or it’s electronic equivalent ) in an effort to make more obvious things that I believe and that I feel can also be of benefit to you.  

The reason that I think it is hard, frustrating, or whatever arises, when we get together with our families is because we live in patterns from our childhoods that we know are not loving so we never give up trying to get the love right.  

Unfortunately we don’t really have a plan about how we’re going to do that so we revert back to the same behaviours with the same results.  They get worse over time because the universe is also involved in the process and more and more intense situations will often yield a movement of some kind.  Not the best way to go about it but it is the usual way.  

Having expectations of someone else and even ourselves is also adding to the unlovingness of the situation but we all do that as well. 

Just so you know, I firmly believe it’s best dealt with by going with the emotion and express it until it’s conclusion and ultimately release it. You will travel often from rage or anger to grief and/or fear.  Direct it outwards but not at anyone… even if the cause of your angst is sitting right in front of you. (Of course you can mention the issue….  “you know mum,  you have never loved me “, etc. )

I have these things as well with my parents and siblings. Issue after issue keeps rearing it’s ugly head and I push it aside believing in my “soul” – otherwise I’d do it differently – that discussing it is only bringing up things that are better left buried.  The universe (to me that’s God) doesn’t think so, that’s why the same issues remain in my experience. 

Our dreams and sometimes sleepstate experiences can help us realise the issues that we are trying to bury. The problem is we can’t ever really bury them. Only kick a bit of dirt on them which tends to make them more agrivated the next time they come up. Sure,  we get better at our facade to hide them but that’s just the face of it…  not the guts. They will spew out or make this physical vessel not so well. 

You can try to keep a dream journal. (I  keep telling myself to do that as well.)

Do you see how our patterns can hold us back from our progression?

I see you working on your progression and I think you are very brave.  The problem ones are the early early childhood experiences and inherited emotions that you don’t have a developed memory of because of your age when they occurred and the fact that some may not be yours.  You’ve just built on them and you can’t even understand why or where they’ve come from. That’s why you can’t do this intellectually, it has to be emotionally. 

Listen to the messages from people around you…  There are clues everywhere.  If you think it’s a loving message… and I’m not talking about an addictive false-praising, manipulative or co-dependant message… then think more on it.  I also pray to God for guidance and ask my spirit friends and guides for assistance…  but that’s me. 

A loving message might be “you need to look after yourself “. A manipulative/co-dependent message might be “don’t listen to them,  you deserve a drink. ”

The first one seems like judgement, and the second one seems caring.  However, the first is simply a fact and the second doesn’t really help at all even though it would appear to be supportive. 

Anyway I’ll finish off there and know that I  appreciate your frankness and care that you show.  I see your humility shining through and feel that humility will be the thing that keeps you open to learning more and progressing in the most positive way. 

It pains me to know that our lives can impact yours greatly but I can only reiterate my sentiments again that no good can be achieved from upsetting yourself with things outside of your “control” (if I can use that word!) – outside of yourself. That doesn’t mean to push down the emotions when they come up but ask why they have come up at this time, in this situation.  Relate it back or at least just feel through it. Magic will happen. 

Life is ebbing and flowing as it always will and pushing against it is useless my dear. This is where being in situations in families can help to show where the blockages are to your flow. 

All my love that I am capable of today I send to you.  Xxx