repentance

A Little Girl’s Letter to Jesus

I have transcribed this letter from a video with Russ Dizdar and David Heavener. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=detGrYXpFas

“I can’t imagine how you must feel, Jesus. I can’t imagine the pain and anguish you experience as you see the many, many little girls and boys being sexually victimised in the most horrible ways.

I can’t imagine how it angers you when the people that do these things are those who look good on the outside and claim to be your children. I can’t imagine how you must feel when people who claim your name turn their backs on such sin and crime; and refuse to bring such sin to light.

Jesus, sometimes I wonder, how can you let it go on? How long, oh Lord?

But then I remember that you are merciful to all. You desperately want those perpetrators to come to the end of themselves and fall at your feet in true repentance for their sin.

I forget sometimes that you are sovereign; that you are merciful; that you are in control of it all; and that someday, it will be made right.

Oh Father, I pray for the victims. The innumerable little girls and boys, the teenagers who are being sold for sex. May you send the right people to guide them to you. May they know your love; may they realise how much you care about them. May they find healing and rest in you. May they find protection from the enemy of their souls; may they make that hard decision to take responsibility for the response to the abuse. May they forgive and not become bitter.

I pray that you would raise them up and someday their pain would be used to help other little boys and girls. I pray for the parents and church leaders of the victims. I pray that you would raise up people that would realise the implications of abuse and how it destroys a person.

I pray that you would give them wisdom in relating to these broken children and you. I pray that if they have been abused themselves, and have sought help, that they would be willing to work through their own pain I pray that you would break the chains of generational abuse in my hometown and the surrounding communities.

I pray that there could be freedom and healing and that it would come only from you.

And, lastly, Jesus, I pray for the perpetrators.

I pray that they would come to the end of themselves. I pray that it would happen in this life, and not in the next. I pray for their souls. I pray that you would have mercy on them. I pray that their evil deeds would be exposed now and not at judgement day.

Oh, Jesus, have mercy please.

They need you just as I need you.

Oh, God, please send the right people their way to take them by the hand, and to lead them to you. I pray for repentance and restorations for them. I pray for a Godly sorrow that would lead to repentance.

I know you care, Jesus. And I thank you so much that you are working behind the scenes.

Thank you, Father.

Amen”

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Healing family

This week I have been confronted with some of the demons from the past.

My 25 year old daughter ‘reminded’ me – ‘reminded’ because I had blocked it, or not been in a place to hear it correctly at that time, about being interfered with by one of her siblings when she was a child. She rightly believes that this has played a major role in her life to date. She said that I told her, at the time, that children explore their bodies in such ways when they are growing up – which I do believe, but that doesn’t stop us making it a shameful experience.

It left me feeling that I had not done enough to protect her, being a working mother of five – four boys and one daughter. I have felt that for a long time. She chose to distance herself from me at a very young age; and, while usually we have a civil relationship, it is obviously one of facade. She is prone to rage and sadness at the slightest glitch in support of her.

So, the questions remain: Am I a bad mother? How do I go about healing – the relationship and my daughters’ self-esteem? Is it my job now that she is grown?

The answers are: All mothers have their own injuries that make them behave and parent in a less than ‘good parent’ way. We are too focused on our own needs rather than putting our energies into the people who depend on them for their nurturing.

I can go about repairing our relationship, and consequently show her the way to healing, by my example; and then by the results she can see and feel.

Because I believe that this earth existence is just the start of our soul’s journey, we have an eternity to continue to grow and heal with a firm desire to live in love. Face what needs to be faced and allow what comes to indicate to us what we need to repair or embrace. Our lives will give us that gift if we allow and accept.

If I had not denied my own damage then there would not have been that imprint left on her, and she would not now be confused and frightened by where her life is taking her; she would not be going about damaging herself and others in her approaches to relationship; and would be more gentle and loving, strong, secure and encouraged by her existence. So, yes, it is my job to ensure that I can do all that I can to assist, not only her, but myself, to go through the process of forgiving and repenting all things that have been buzzing around me for the entirety of my existence.

Not only do I owe it to her, I also owe it to my son who’s behaviour as a young age would have left him ashamed and confused. I believe that it has left him arrogant in an attempt to hide the less powerful emotions in the belief that this is what he needs to do to have the life he thinks he wants – that society tells him he deserves.

Of course we deserve a wonderful life but we need to do the work to make it so. And we are told by society that having whatever we want, and doing whatever it takes to get it is the only way to go – no matter the effects on other people around us – even our children.

You can see how this sort of selfish, arrogant behaviour will continually perpetuate this same damage into generations to come – causing crushing effects on body, mind and soul.

The time is now to do the work and strive towards an existence that is hugely beneficial to, not only our loved ones, but to the world as a whole.

Go with God. I have for some time now and have benefited greatly.

FORGIVE

Forgive from your heart
Let It heal your life
Nothing can hold you
Like a fair bit of strife

The hardest to get through
Are the things that We do
Known only by us
Yet they can still puss

They fester and grow
And live on all the while
With each new day.
It gets harder to smile

Your greatness is here now
Lets show them all how
When love is involved
Much can be solved

The love that you are
Lays buried deep inside
Just waiting for the hate to subside

Loved ones cannot help you
Only you can mend
All the hurt and despair that you still defend

Your spirit is calling
For you to be free
Forgiveness is golden
And I’m sure you’ll agree
There is nothing nicer
That you’d like to be

So forgive and move on now
And then you will see
All the good things that life brings
Known to more than just me


God’s Laws acting in our lives

Mary: Okay, let me have a stab at it, I’ll see how I go. My understanding of the Laws from the condition I’m in at the moment is that the Law of Compensation is the wheel that grinds very finely. As we saw in chapter one or two, God sees everything that is in our soul. The things we’ve done to harm others; the loving things we’ve done, it’s all there; it’s all laid out at every moment; there’s no judgement that we pass. And the Law of Compensation is acting on our soul; in terms of pain it is the experience…remember what I said about repentance. So if I’ve harmed Luli, I desire to feel the pain that she must feel as a result of my harm, the Law of Compensation is God enacting that process on my soul. He’s saying there’s harm you’ve caused others, there’s harm you’ve caused others, here’s the pain of it. But I’m using my will in the opposite direction. I don’t want to acknowledge that I’ve done it; I don’t want to feel the pain of others; I don’t want to feel sorry about it, but it’s always in operation. And that’s God saying : Okay, but Laws of Love govern this universe so you can use your love any way you want but there’s a consequence because you’re breaking a Law of Love. When we’re repentant we say : I want to feel this pain; I want to feel the pain that I’ve caused to Luli; I want to see the error that made me do it; I want to do everything I can to take away that pain from her. So then, I’m using my will in harmony with love. So, that’s how it interacts, it’s just the willingness now when I’m repentant because I want to feel that pain, then a whole other Law comes into play. And what I understand is that God can assist us so much more when we use our will in harmony with love. So that’s the thing, we won’t desire relief, we will desire Luli’s pain. We will say : No, I want the pain; I want the pain now. And God will help us then work through that pain. But when we’re using our will in the opposite direction going : Nothing to do with Luli, I didn’t do anything; I don’t really want to look at that. Then the Law of Compensation is acting upon our soul. Does that make sense? Yep. Through the Mist book discussion